Monday, March 19, 2018

Shamber- Kings of Hearts.


You all haven't left my mind since I got the phone call yesterday morning. I hadn't seen the wave of condolences on social media yet, because I was too busy sipping my morning tea, writing on my blog about how every five years is the best year of my life. When the phone rang, I was writing about you!

Back in 2013 when you asked me to photograph your wedding in the Dominican, I was taken aback. Why on earth would these two wonderful creatures want a barefoot rucksack wandering amateur photo journalist- not even a 'photographer'- to fly out with them to a tropical paradise to document this beautiful union? You barely knew me, and for whatever reason wanted me to be a part of the Shamber experience.. and it forever changed my life.

The two of you succeeded at pushing me miles outside of my comfort zone.. literally. I got on a plane, went somewhere tropical, and photographed a wedding?! Those are most usually three hard no's in my book. I can't imagine my life now without having been that part of yours. I have never met two people more obviously in love. With one another, with the beautiful family you have created together,  with life and everyone in it. I was then- and still am- eternally honoured to have been included in your journey.

I was hesitant at first about the whole thing. I didn't know anyone else who would be attending besides you two, the bride and groom. I have anxiety that can get quite intense at times, hate flying, can't handle the heat, and felt very overwhelmed about being relied upon to document this momentous event.

Shane quite often took the time to check in on me, to make sure that I was comfortable. He reassured me constantly that it would be okay, everything would work out fine, and you'd both love the photos, and loved me being there with you. I felt bad that I was taking up his and your time with these reassurances, for being invited back to your suite in the evenings for a drink and a chat. But he wouldn't let me feel bad or guilty or in the way.

As the week progressed and I got to know the rest of the Shamber crew, I eased up quite a bit. I quickly overcame the anxiety that had me choked, and I was able to enjoy the rest of the week with this amazing group of family and friends. It ended up being one of my most memorable adventures to date.

This whole experience set the tone for the rest of my life. I gained the confidence I needed to choose a path for myself that was more outgoing, that allowed me to 'talk to strangers' more comfortably, and to step outside of my comfort zone over and over and over again. Without this I don't know where I'd be. Probably still hiding from the world in a dank basement, working the night shift to avoid human interaction. He changed me, you all did. I couldn't be more grateful.

Shane may be gone from the physical plane, but the energy and love and joy that he had instilled in everyone he came across will surely live on forever. Thank you...


xo


Please share their story, and contribute to the GoFundMe page set up to help cover costs in this difficult time.

If you would like to help me get home from the west coast to attend Shane's celebration of life, please order yourself or a loved one a gift from my Scentsy store. As Amber is my scentsy mama, she will also benefit from my sales. Thanks for reading and sharing. Stay blessed!

Sunday, March 18, 2018

Thoughts become reality- never stop dreaming.

If someone told me 5 years ago that in five years I'd be building a microfarm in beautiful rural BC, living in a tiny home, writing my own schedule, and actually driving, I would have said something like 'in my dreams'. Because it's true.. 5 years ago those were the kinds of things I was dreaming of.

I had no idea how I'd get there, all I knew is that is what I wanted. As time went on, unexpected events occured. Not all of them were 'good'. Some of them broke me down to the point I wasn't sure I'd get up again, but I did. Big losses, reaching a dead end in a 'career path', devastating realizations, dissolving relationships.. Instead of letting negative experiences of loss scare me into a corner, I allowed them to be gateways into positive change.

Visualization is key in manifestation.. and I've always had a pretty keen imagination. It seems as though these visualizations left a cookie crumb trail [in a roundabout way] to get me to where I'm at, but it was up to me to pick up on it. It was my responsibility to act.

Moving to BC [and throwing down roots] was never an immediate option for me. It was always more of an 'early retirement' plan. But it was there. I could never bring myself to uproot, and plant so far away from my mother. She suffered a long time with degenerative dis-ease, and I couldn't bring myself to leave [except to travel]. She lived my journeys vicariously through me and it brought her great joy.

Losing her suddenly was for many years a possibility, but I certainly didn't see it coming when it did. She was doing well, feeling better, and for the first time in a long time, smiling and happy. I was just about finished building her an epic little microfarm that she could visit and enjoy. It was a shock that slipped me into a downward spiral.

I too had been feeling better, I worked hard to get myself in the best shape of my life, and I had a home after a long stint of vagabonding, couch crashing and room renting. Life was pretty good, I felt 'settled'. Well, mostly. I still had dreams.. After she passed, I felt that my purpose had shifted. Many other things ended for me in the following few months. A few not-so-ideal changes in the company that I had been with for over a decade sparked my sudden retirement from the industry.

Lost and feeling unsure of what to do next, I sat in that garden. For days.. weeks. I set up my tent and slept in it. I allowed everything around me to just be. In my silence, a concerned friend reached out. I was offered some couch space.. in Vancouver BC. I agreed that I could use the vacation, and accepted. I spent the end of that summer moving my things into a storage locker. Then had an epic greyhound journey west.

From there, I cycled through a few temporary housing solutions while changing up my career objective. Whether I was planning to stay in Vancouver or I was just visiting was yet to be determined but one thing was for sure. If I was gonna stay a while, I needed to make money. After a few temp roles doing random shit I found myself working two jobs back and forth [and all at once]. Home and Garden stores, and landscaping.

Somewhere in there, I found myself living in a truck in the woods, then a tent, then a couch- then a trailer.. while I continued to do all of those things. Handling building materials and maintaining a garden center inspired dreams of building things, having a home and planting a garden. But living the way that I was worked me into isolation and exhaustion. At about that point, I'd met someone who had ended up in the same situation, but had just as large ambitions to get ahead.. to get back to living deliberately.

We collaborated on our dreams and discussed them out loud. We started reading books and watching shows and looking on the Craigslist. Tiny homes and living simply. In the searching and reading and dreaming I stumbled upon an ad for a little farm cabin for rent in the valley.. a few months after he had happened upon the ad that found us a sweet deal on some wheels.
 

Fast forward to today.. we've been out here over a year. We're in a tiny home, although it is rented, it has given us ideas (and space!) to build one of our own, eventually. We are about to plant for the second year on our microfarm, and I'm now writing my own schedule by getting contract work instead of typical scheduled 40 hour work weeks.

Once I had realized that I'd arrived at the threshold of my dreams becoming reality, I kept dreaming.. I began visualizing things that would improve our quality of life. Imagining other ways we could become more self- sufficient. Making more lists...

It almost seems like a snowball effect of my thoughts becoming my reality. Once I'd seen it happening, my faith in possibilities grew, which opened up my mind to even bigger possibilities.

Upon moving here, the land owner was very strict on his 'pet' policy. He doesn't want any animals in the house. We'd asked one time before how he'd felt about us keeping rabbits, but he never really gave an answer.

He summoned us to the big farm last weekend to help with a project, and when we were done, J asked why it was that he didn't want us having animals. Once he'd learned that we intended to keep them outside the house, and mostly wished to have them to help us clear and maintain the land, he agreed to let us have livestock. I couldn't believe it, I'm still in shock! I thought for sure my dream of having goats was one I had tucked away for further in the future. Now all I have to do is build them a home..

...

Never stop dreaming.

- once you've achieved your goal or arrived to your dream situation, don't let that be the end! Expand on your dreams.. there's always room for improvement!

- Make a list! Listing goals, to-dos, and things you want or need is a great way to jumpstart visualization. You have to see it happen to make it happen!

...

Thanks so much for reading and following. This is part two of a blog series I'm writing about thoughts becoming reality. I was inspired to write this based on many social media comments from friends and family saying that I'm 'living the dream'. I am, I'm living my dream. And I believe this is how I got here. There were many unexpected turns along the way, and a good number of 'why me' moments that came full circle to an eventual 'oh, that's why'.

I can't promise anything, but I'm sharing because I believe that there has been more than luck and good timing involved in my dreams becoming my reality. I truly believe that mindset shapes our reality. That's why 'waking on the wrong side of the bed' leads to a shitty day. That's how many athletes win competitions over and again. Visualization is a powerful tool, and mindset is half the battle!


xo